Apologies

Okay, so I'm roughly a week behind, I know, its been hectically crazy, and I've had limited access to internet. But its no excuse, it won't happen again.

Now to get caught up.

First theres life. After three weeks, I finally cut the last tie of communication with my ex. Needless to say, it was much harder than it should have been. The finality felt...really weird. Why does the right thing, the thing that is ultimately better for you, have to be so hard. So many nights all I could do is pour my heart (and tears) out before God, begging Him to be near to me, to heal the wounds and doubts and dissapointments that are still so overwhelming.

Also, I'm up to my eyeballs in stress about transferring, so every bit of prayer is appreciated. It is a bit bittersweet leaving LU, but I know that, at least right now, Florida is where God wants me.

So I'm gonna double up on the devotionals for a few days to get caught up, so its not quite as overwhelming.

Doubt/Faithfulness of God

Psalms 42, 73 and 77 / Psalms 105, 119:137-144 and 146

*Sigh* Doubt. Possibly my biggest struggle in my spiritual life. Upon reading todays passages, I could basically envision myself in the setting of the Psalm, because honestly, this has been me at many times throughout the last three weeks. So many nights I've been driving home from work, yelling at my steering wheel, begging God to tell me why he let this happen to me, why He allowed me in this situation. So many sleepless nights on a tear drenched pillow, asking God why He didn't make me guard my heart. And that is basically David's heart in theses Psalms. He is calling out to God, asking why the Lord is so far from him, why He has "forsaken him". But in the end the conclusion David reaches. God is there. He has not forsaken us. Just sometimes, He gives us those moments where he feels so far away from us to call us to draw closer to him.

Some verses that stuck out to me:

Psalm 42:1 - "As the deer pants of streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God."

At first this one stuck out to me because I recognized it as a hymn. =) After I meditated on it for a few moments, I realized the beautiful picture it paints. The desperation that we are to have for God should be a natural reaction, like the thirst of the deer.

Psalm 73:23 - "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand."

This is the realization the psalmist comes to, after feelings of being rejected and forsaken by God. He realizes that though it may not feel like it, God is always with us, even holding our hand. That illustration really speaks to me. A little girl at heart, its a bit of a beautiful thought to envision myself facing the trials of this world with my Heavenly Father holding my hand to give me the strength to go on.

What better to follow the subject of doubt than the Faithfulness of God? While the passages above ended with comments about the faithfulness of God, these are solely focused on it. Some with specific examples, as Psalm 106 basically walks through the history of God's faithfulness regarding Israel, to accounts regarding the life of the psalmist in the other two psalms.

The verse that stuck out to me:

Psalm 119:140 - "Your promises have been thoroughly tested, and your servant loves them."

Gods promises are not void, they've been tested (and tested, and tested) throughout history. Nothing is to big for Him.

So, theres...well, two days. Two more days tomorrow...=p